My Spiritual Soul is Weary

In the beginning of Romancing The Ordinary, Sarah Ban Breathnach mentions “weary” twice, in just her introduction.

“I’m hoping you will discover that God is present in the .. soothing sip of chamomile tea when you’re weary..”

and

“Throughout the book you’ll find seasonal indulgences intended to help you come to your senses by restoring your weary soul (as they did mine) with the things we both love..”

I hope so.

Just last night, I decided I was weary. So absolutely exhausted from things that should not be trying.. things that should not be so difficult.. but are.. and are completely beyond my control.

As a parent, to “religious kids,” it has been my own challenge, to keep my personal challenges, up front, but censored, to a degree. No matter what personal thoughts, that I have, it is my responsibility to not discourage them, in their attempt to find their own path.

Over the last six years, this has been near impossible, however.

The people, in your religious child’s life, that you depend on, to help you walk the child down God’s path.. have simply been my biggest negative advocates.

I may lose this battle, to rear children to be responsible LDS adults. I know it hasn’t been easy. I know I’ve failed, miserably, just doing my very best, possible.. but to witness children lose the fire and desire of getting up, and attending early morning seminary, almost seems unforgivable, to me.

Life doesn’t need to be this difficult.

I just can’t decide if allowing them to choose the path I feel lays before us.. and not go.. is the right choice.

In no way do I expect people to be perfect. I do, however, expect them to be human and to be righteous in their decisions and actions.

Those called to “touch” a teenagers life.. are specifically accountable to the habits we teach them with our own example.

We can’t teach them that its okay to be late.

We can’t teach them that its okay to disregard others.

It is irresponsible to leave parents, as well as another teacher, who provides transportation to your students, in the parking lot, on your own schedule. When your class is scheduled to end at 6:50am, it is irresponsible to ignore the clock, and talk away, even not about your lesson, after 7am.

It should not be “NORM” to run on your own schedule..

Seminary must be uplifting. It must be a spiritual experience, that teenage kids crave to attend.

It can’t be discouraging. It can’t be so full of controversy, angst, and non-order that it forms a negative feeling, for the rest of the day. That is something that should just be unacceptable.

It stifles The Spirit.

Some of my weariness is more specific to my own children.. good kids.. who must be targeted, in what they feel, is a very negative way.. on many fronts..

I’m just so irritated that I don’t know where to turn. Writing letters to this teacher, my bishop, my stake president is useless. I’ve come to feel, that they’ve proved to not care, beyond themselves.

And if they don’t care.. I’ve lost part of my uphill battle.. without getting out of bed, each morning.

When the ward “chain of command” has shown the exact same irresponsibility to their personal actions.. one has no options.. but to hope that prayer is enough..