My Spiritual Soul is Weary

In the beginning of Romancing The Ordinary, Sarah Ban Breathnach mentions “weary” twice, in just her introduction.

“I’m hoping you will discover that God is present in the .. soothing sip of chamomile tea when you’re weary..”

and

“Throughout the book you’ll find seasonal indulgences intended to help you come to your senses by restoring your weary soul (as they did mine) with the things we both love..”

I hope so.

Just last night, I decided I was weary. So absolutely exhausted from things that should not be trying.. things that should not be so difficult.. but are.. and are completely beyond my control.

As a parent, to “religious kids,” it has been my own challenge, to keep my personal challenges, up front, but censored, to a degree. No matter what personal thoughts, that I have, it is my responsibility to not discourage them, in their attempt to find their own path.

Over the last six years, this has been near impossible, however.

The people, in your religious child’s life, that you depend on, to help you walk the child down God’s path.. have simply been my biggest negative advocates.

I may lose this battle, to rear children to be responsible LDS adults. I know it hasn’t been easy. I know I’ve failed, miserably, just doing my very best, possible.. but to witness children lose the fire and desire of getting up, and attending early morning seminary, almost seems unforgivable, to me.

Life doesn’t need to be this difficult.

I just can’t decide if allowing them to choose the path I feel lays before us.. and not go.. is the right choice.

In no way do I expect people to be perfect. I do, however, expect them to be human and to be righteous in their decisions and actions.

Those called to “touch” a teenagers life.. are specifically accountable to the habits we teach them with our own example.

We can’t teach them that its okay to be late.

We can’t teach them that its okay to disregard others.

It is irresponsible to leave parents, as well as another teacher, who provides transportation to your students, in the parking lot, on your own schedule. When your class is scheduled to end at 6:50am, it is irresponsible to ignore the clock, and talk away, even not about your lesson, after 7am.

It should not be “NORM” to run on your own schedule..

Seminary must be uplifting. It must be a spiritual experience, that teenage kids crave to attend.

It can’t be discouraging. It can’t be so full of controversy, angst, and non-order that it forms a negative feeling, for the rest of the day. That is something that should just be unacceptable.

It stifles The Spirit.

Some of my weariness is more specific to my own children.. good kids.. who must be targeted, in what they feel, is a very negative way.. on many fronts..

I’m just so irritated that I don’t know where to turn. Writing letters to this teacher, my bishop, my stake president is useless. I’ve come to feel, that they’ve proved to not care, beyond themselves.

And if they don’t care.. I’ve lost part of my uphill battle.. without getting out of bed, each morning.

When the ward “chain of command” has shown the exact same irresponsibility to their personal actions.. one has no options.. but to hope that prayer is enough..

Mary’s Heart, Martha’s World, Me?

Last June, I read Camille Fronk Olson’s book, “Mary, Martha, and Me – Seeking the One Thing that is Needful.” I had purchased it, as a gift, for my eldest daughter’s high school graduation.

We had, previously, watched Camille, together, in the round table discussion, on BYU-TV.

Up to that point, I had never heard of the Mary/Martha guilt. I was so intrigued, I stayed up, all night, during our travels, prior to her graduation, to read it.

I loved Camille’s take. It didn’t surprise me.. I’ve always been so inspired by Camille.

A few weeks ago, I was seeking out some books, to read, for my 101 in 1001 challenge. My youngest daughter has been a reading nut, lately, and although I’m concerned about what she may be reading.. strictly because I can’t keep up and research.. I’ve been allowing her to purchase and I’ve been purchasing “unknown-to-me” books.. because I figure that she’ll get them, one way or another, anyway.

I can only hope and pray that she makes wholesome choices.

I was perusing the christian and spiritual type inspirational books.. while I waited for her to gather her needz..

I saw this book, called, “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Joann Weaver.

There was Mary/Martha again. And there was I.. over interested.

I added this book, to my “nightstand” of many titles, of many varied subjects. I’ve been reading a few pages, here and there..

And the other night, I happened upon a most interesting part/ideal/thought/concept..

I hadn’t give much thought to the religious history, of Mary/Martha’s day. I hadn’t thought about how women didn’t “walk with God,” then. I hadn’t thought about the historical precedence of Jesus’ chastisement to Martha.

I am a busy-body, like Martha. I, too, would have been going out of mind, trying to see about all the necessary preparations, with added guests..

I know I would have been offended to think that I was not doing “good.”

But, Ms. Weaver has opened up a wonderful new light, of understanding, for me.. (Camille had settled my offended thoughts.. but this understanding is so much more..)

The only thing that was needful was knowing God.

Women were given the great blessing of being allowed to worship.. allowed to know.. allowed to do what only men, in that day, were allowed to do..

Weaver wrote, “With those words, Christ swept away centuries of chauvinism and bias, tradition and ritual. Women were no longer to be on the outside looking in when it came to spiritual matters.”

What a remarkable change, of heart, it is, to realize that it was not the chastisement that it appears, to be. He needed to teach Martha how to do what was completely against her “everyday knowledge.”

He needed to teach her that she could know God. She was just as worthy. In the grand scheme of things, the dishes are not as important as learning something spiritual.

And we are all just as worthy, as another, to learn..

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